Confused

‘Did I just say what I THINK I just said?’, you wonder nervously. Bruno sits up and smiles even wider. “Ummm…”, you start but can’t quite find the words to finish. Kissing your forehead, Bruno says, “I know you didn’t mean it. I mean, I know what you meant”. That doesn’t make you feel any better but at least he understands that what you said, was just in the heat of the moment and not necessarily true…or was it? You are still suffering from the lingering effects of that Mars Sars and can’t think clearly. You are confused. ‘DO I love him?’. You need some time and space and you obviously aren’t going to get that here. You decide it’s time to go. You get up and begin to gather your clothes. Bruno watches confused. “Where are you going?”, he asks. “To a hotel”, you respond searching for your panties. Bruno raises his eyebrows in surprise, “Why?”. Still searching for your panties you reply, “Because it’s just not a good idea for me to stay here Bruno.” Getting up and pulling on his shorts he walks over to you. “Look Nikki, I know this whole situation is completely fucked up and confusing but I’d feel better if you stayed here”. You have given up hope finding your panties and just pull on your shorts as you say, “I don’t think us living together is gonna help me figure anything out Bruno…”. He cuts you off. “Staying here will help you figure out your feelings for me”. You stop. ‘Hmmmm. That does kinda make sense…in a way’.  He moves closer to you sensing your change of heart. He takes your handbag and places it back down on the table. “I’ll go get your bags”, he says walking toward the front door. You grab his arm, “Hold it! We need to lay down some ground rules before I agree to anything”. Bruno smiles at you and goes to sit on the couch. He pats the space next to him hoping you’ll join him. You walk over but decide to stand. Crossing your arms, you pace back and forth in front of Bruno enumerating your rules. “Ok, Rule #1: We sleep in separate rooms”. Bruno laughs out loud. “Ok. We’ll see how long that one lasts”. Rolling your eyes, you continue, “Rule #2: We don’t discuss my relationship with Phil”. “Deal”. “Rule #3: I’m NOT your Lady and you are NOT my man”. “Whatever you say Nikki”, Bruno smirks. “I’m serious Bruno! Can you agree to those terms?” Bruno stands and extends his right hand to shake. “I think I can manage the rules”. You both shake hands in agreement. “Can I go get your bags now?”, Bruno asks. “Sure”, you respond. Bruno is back instantly with your luggage. He proceeds to take them upstairs to the guest room. You can’t help but notice how toned his arms are as the weight from your luggage causes his triceps and biceps to put in some work. You feel warmth between your legs. ‘Damn. What the hell am I getting myself into?’.

It’s been a week since you’ve moved in with Bruno and things have been going well but you are still unsure about your feelings for him. You are lounging on the couch in a tee shirt and panties listening to your iPod through the speakers when Bruno comes in the front door. “Hey Love”, he smiles kissing the top of your head as he walks by. “Hey”, you smile back. Bruno plops down on the chair and looks over at you. “So, how are you?” “I’m ok. Just trying to relax before I start my shift tomorrow. It’s been a while since I’ve worked and I know I’m gonna be tired”. He slumps down in the chair and spreads his legs giving you ‘that look’. “Well, I’ll be here waiting for you when you get home”. Before you can respond with a sarcastic comment, Money Make Her Smile blasts through the speakers. A devilish grin crawls across your face. You decide to for-go the sarcasm for a bit of foreplay. Standing slowly, you seductively walk toward B, still slumped down in his chair as the song plays, “Coming to the stage is a girl who’s new in town”. Bruno smirks. He’s reading your mind and is ready for whatever you have planned. You stand in between his legs with your back to him. “She go by the name ‘where yo stacks at?’ ”. Bruno whips out his wallet with one fluid motion. You are desperately trying to hold back your laughter. “This pretty little thing I swear won’t let you down. Watch her drop it like…hey”. You glance back, wink at your boo and bend over leaving that pretty round brown up in the air. “DAYYYYYYUUUUUUMMMMM,” is all you hear as you feel cool crisp bills hitting your backside. You look back at him and smile as you slowly arch your back and stand. “Oh it’s not complicated so this won’t take awhile.” You slowly pull your tee shirt off careful to cover your breasts with your left arm. Bruno licks his lips as you throw your tee shirt across the room. “Music makes her dance and money, money, money make her smile.” You back it up and twerk inches away from that carrot which is standing at FULL attention. “Awwwwwww Shhhhhhhiiiiiiiieeeeeeeettttttttt”, is all you hear as you feel money hit your skin as it falls like rain. Bruno grabs your waist and pulls you down on to that carrot. You slowly look back at him and bite your lower lip as you start ‘graining on that wood’. Bruno looks like a dog in heat as he turns you to face him. He pulls your arm away from your chest freeing your breasts. He begins kissing, sucking and biting your nipples. A river is flowing from your panties as he reaches to remove them. “Woah,” you say as you push him away playfully. “There is no sex in the Champagne Room, Senor Hernandez!” He smiles back and replies, “Oh no problem, cause this ain’t the Champagne Room and what we bout to do can’t be classified as sex”. He lifts you up and places your back on the couch. Pulling off your panties, he spreads your legs and kisses the inside of your thighs. Your love is dripping wet and trembling. He smiles up at you as his tongue lightly licks your clit. You can already feel a flame starting to emerge in your love. He licks it again. He’s playing with you. You smile, grab those curls and push him into your love, face first. He complies and ravishes your loves as if it was his first meal in weeks. You come in a matter of seconds from the intense pleasure. Bruno kisses your navel, your stomach then sucks your right breast as he unzips his shorts. Your love can be slippery when wet but he has no trouble hitting that sweet spot. In fact, he’s already moaning. “Oh my God”, slips as he bites his lower lip. He grabs your hips as you grind on that carrot. Your bodies are banging against each other as you dig your nails into his back. “Ow!! Mmmmm,” he whispers in your left ear. Tightening his grip on your hips, his thrusts go deeper and become more intense. His sexy moans harmonize with your screams. Your body bucks wildly with his final thrust. His love mixes with yours as it runs down your thigh. He lays his head on your breasts and exhales. Looking up at you with those bedroom eyes, he confesses again, “Te amo, mami”. You don’t answer this time. Kissing his forehead you smile and just hold him close.

You are exhausted after your first shift on the floor in MONTHS! Not only did you have 6 tele patients but 5 of them were complete care patients. You could barely stand long enough to give report. All you wanna do is shower and crawl in bed. As you’re driving back to Bruno’s place, you pass a Starbuck’s and decide to stop. ‘Coffee would taste so good right now’, you think parking your car. You open the door and that heavenly aroma of the coca bean hits you and awakens you enough to put a slight pep in your step. Surprisingly there is no line so you walk right up to the counter not noticing that there is someone behind you. “Can I help you?”, the barista asks. Before you can answer, a very familiar, deep, sexy voice replies, “She’d like a grande, caramel macchiato, no foam, whip and I’ll take a cafe americano please”. Your heart skips a beat as you turn around and Phil is standing right behind you. You smile at him and resist the urge to wrap your arms around him. He looks at you and smiles as he pays for the order. You both walk over to wait for your drinks. You decide to break the awkward silence. “How are you?”, you ask looking down at the floor then quickly glancing over at Phil. He looks sexy as ever but exhausted. You wanna caress his face and kiss him. You want him to hold you like he used to but he doesn’t. He is, however, staring at you. “I’m ok. Hanging in there. How are you?” ‘Dying’, is what you wanna say but instead you reply, “I’m ok.” That awkward silence is back. You tap your nails on the bar to kill the silence and distract from the fact that Phil is STILL staring at you. “So, you going in or getting off?”, he asks noticing your scrubs. “Getting off,” you reply smiling at him. Your eyes meet for a moment and you swear you can read his thoughts. ‘I miss you so much but I don’t know if I can trust you. But I still love you Nikki,’ is what you think his eyes are saying. “Grande, caramel macchiato, no foam with whip.” “That’s me. Thank you”, you say to the barista. You pause for a moment before picking up your cup. You don’t want to leave but what do you say? You look over at Phil (who is still staring at you) and simply say, “Thanks for the coffee”. He smiles as he watches you walk to the counter to fix your coffee the way you like it. You open the top and begin to stir the coffee when you hear the barista say, “cafe americano”. Phil’s sexy voice responds, “Yeah, that’s me”. You continue stirring as you hear footsteps close behind you. You reach for 2 packets of Splenda and can smell that intoxicating aroma of baby powder and masculinity hovering directly behind you. Your heart is racing as you try to open the packets. You feel him directly behind you then suddenly, you hear his footsteps walk toward the door. The door opens and you hear him leave. Your eyes are misty as you hear the door close behind him. You refuse to cry so you take a deep breath and fix your coffee. You head back to your car, open the door and sit in the drivers seat. You take a sip of that liquid heaven in a cup then place it in the holder. Your hands are shaking as you attempt to start the car. Tears are falling from your eyes. You lay your head on the steering wheel and cry.

You pull up to Bruno’s place and just sit in the car for moment. You check the mirror to make sure you don’t look like you’ve been crying for the last 20 minutes. Finally you hop out of the car. Opening the door, you’re surprised to see Bruno greeting you with a glass of white wine and the sweetest smile ever. “Hey…”, you say softly. “Welcome home. You made it through your shift. Congratulations!” Bruno takes your bag and hands you the glass as he leads you upstairs. ‘Ugh, I hate white wine’, you think to yourself. You don’t wanna hurt his feelings so you take a sip. He leads you to the bathroom where a candlelit bubble bath awaits you. “I’ll let you soak awhile. Are you hungry? I fixed a light dinner for you.” You smile. You love Bruno’s tasty delights and truly appreciate the effort but you can’t help but miss Phil. Continuing to be nice you smile and say, “Sure, I can eat a little”. “Ok great! I’ll be right back!” Bruno closes the door as he leaves. You sit on the edge of the tub and cry. All you can think about is how much you miss Phil and seeing him tonight didn’t help. Removing your scrubs you slide into the tub. It’s nice and warm. Laying your head back you close your eyes and inhale the lavender scent of the candles while the warm water releases the tension from your muscles. It’s quite soothing but your thoughts immediately return to Phil. There is a light knock at the door, “I have some dinner for you. Can I come in?”. You laugh, ‘Did he REALLY just knock?’. “Of course”, you reply smiling. Bruno opens the door and walks toward you in the tub. The soft candlelight is causing the sexiest glow about him. You cross your legs under the bubbles to contain the heat beginning to spark. Sitting on the edge of the tub, he looks down at you with those bedroom eyes and ‘that feeling’ finds it’s way to your chest again. You blink twice and shake it off. ‘Nah, Nicole. Stop it’, you say to yourself. In Bruno’s hand is a small plate with mini crab cakes and a light sauce. Picking one up he feeds it to you. “I didn’t have any Old Bay but I think I did a’ight”, he jokes. The crab cake melts in your mouth. As a Baltimorean you put Old Bay on everything but these crab cakes are delicious. “B these are amazing!” “REALLY?! I’m glad you like them”, he says smiling. Kissing your forehead he looks into your eyes and asks, “Are you happy?”. Your heart stops. “What did you just say?”, you ask with tears kissing the corners of your eyes. Realizing his mistake he stands and says, “I’ll just let you soak in peace”. “Why would you say that? You know he always asks me that!!” You begin to cry. Bruno stands staring at the ceiling for a moment. “I didn’t mean to upset you”, he replies rubbing the space between his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just…I just want you to love me Nikki”. You are too deep in your feelings to respond to him. With a deep sigh he turns and leaves, closing the door behind him. You sit in the bathtub and just cry.

It’s midnight and you can’t sleep. You reach for your phone, unlock it and bring up Phil’s number. You lay in bed just staring at his picture until the screen dims. You wanna call him but what would you say? With a heavy sigh you sit your phone on the night stand and walk over to the window. It’s a full moon. The sky is so bright the street below is glowing in the moonlight. The moonlight reminds you of when you and Phil reunited on the beach in the Bahamas. You smile. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you close your eyes and imagine that Phil is holding you. A light knock on the door brings you back to reality. Before you can respond, the door opens. “I thought I heard you moving around in here”, Bruno says quietly. He walks toward you with his disheveled curls, beater and black basketball shorts. As sexy as he looks right now, you just can’t stop thinking about Philip. “Everything ok?”, he asks standing behind you rubbing your arms. You don’t respond. Kissing your neck, his hands slide down to your hips, then caress your thighs. He whispers, “What’s wrong Baby Girl?”. You turn around and push him away from you. You lunge toward him but restrain yourself because you are ready to smack him. Fuming you glare at him. “WHAT?!”, he asks shocked. “BABY GIRL?! Since when do YOU call me BABY GIRL?!!” Your fists are balled at your sides and you swear heat is escaping from the top of your head. Bruno sighs, “I’m sorry Nikki, it just slipped out. I wasn’t trying to…” “GET OUT!”, you yell with tears filling your eyes. “Nikki, I…” “GET THE FUCK OUT!!!”, you yell even louder as you move in close to him. Using his better judgment, he walks toward the door. As he closes it, he looks back and says, “I really didn’t mean to hurt you”. ‘FUCK HIM’, you think to yourself. Pacing the floor you are about to explode. Your mind is racing and your emotions are boiling over. You need some air. You throw on some stretch pants and a tee shirt. Lacing up your tennis, you grab your phone and walk out the room, down the stairs and out the door. You have no idea where you are going you just need to walk. It’s pretty quiet out here, no one around but you. Normally you’d be a little apprehensive in an unfamiliar neighborhood but the way you feel right now, nobody better bother you. Before long you realize you’ve been walking for a while. Looking around, you begin to notice that this neighborhood looks very familiar. Then it hits you, a few blocks down the road is Phil’s house. You stop in your tracks. ‘What should I do? I can’t knock on his door at 1am in the morning’. With a heavy sigh, you decide to head back. You turn around and begin walking around the corner. Phil walks right into you, knocking his glasses off and onto the ground. “Oh geez, excuse me Miss”, he apologizes reaching down for his specs. You stand frozen as he puts them on and notices you.

“Nikki”, he whispers with a quick smile. Gathering his composure, he clears his throat and asks, “What are you doing out here so late? And alone?”. All you can think about is how sexy he looks in his sweat pants and red tee shirt drenched in the moonlight. He’s even wearing your favorite fitted hat. “Uh…I was…ummm…”, you try to respond but you can’t focus. His signature scent is intoxicating and you feel drunk. “Nikki, it’s not safe for you to be out here alone like this. Let me walk you back to Bruno’s”. You are wide-eyed. “How’d you know I was staying there?”, you wonder. “Sigh. He knew I’d be worried so he called me and told me”. You aren’t sure how to respond. “It’s not what you think Philip, we have separate rooms and…”. “Nikki I don’t need the details”, he interrupts. “I’m just glad you’re ok. I know Bruno is taking care of you”. He smiles and caresses your face. Your body trembles noticeably. Your eyes meet and you feel embarrassed. Your body has betrayed your thoughts. You look down nervously. Placing his hand on your shoulder he urges you forward. After walking a few feet in silence, your intelligence returns and you can put sentences together again. “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to take a walk”, you say finally answering his question. “Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping well either”, he admits. That awkward silence is back and you still have a LONG way to go. A car passes and Phil stops abruptly realizing you are on the ‘wrong’ side of the sidewalk. He grabs your shoulders and moves you to the ‘safe’ side of the sidewalk. You smile at his chivalry as you both continue walking looking everywhere but at each other. The awkwardness is thick enough to cut with a knife. After a few minutes, you realize that you are a few steps ahead of Phil. You look back and catch him looking at your…lower half. Realizing you caught him looking, he quickly looks away. You smile to yourself and slow your pace. Every so often your right hand brushes his left hand. You glance at him and see him smile as you quickly move it. The wind is blowing his signature scent in your direction and it’s taking your breath away. Phil mumbles something to himself and then stops. You don’t notice at first but then you stop as well. He’s staring at you again, giving you ‘that look’. Finally he murmurs, “Fuck it”, and grabs you by your waist pushing you against a wall. His hands slowly move from your waist to your hips and finally caress the sides of your thighs as his forehead is pressed against yours. You are face to face, eye to eye, panting in sync. Your love is dripping as you feel that python double in size. Kissing you softly he whispers, “I miss you so fucking much I can’t stand it”. Your eyes are misty as you caress the back of his head and kiss him back just as softly, “I miss you more than you could ever know”. He kisses you again but more passionately this time and attempts to slide your stretch pants down. You grab his hands. “We can’t do this here Phil”, you whisper looking away shyly. He immediately looks around and begins to pull you into a very dark corner. Before you can say a word, he pushes you back against the wall and begins sliding your pants down just enough to move your panties to the side. Your breathing is hard and fast, as is his. Pushing his sweats down just enough to free that python, he steps into you and enters your love. “Ah”, is all that escapes your mouth as he wastes no time thrusting inside your love. His hands softly caress the center of your back then slide down to your lower back as he begins to grind deep in his love. He whispers “Oh damn” and “Shit!” in your left ear as you feel him tighten up. Your love is trembling as you grip his arms and push your moisture onto his python. His grip on your back tightens and you feel him jerk inside you. His final thrust is so deep it releases your love along with his and tears come to your eyes. Staring into each other’s eyes, you both stand holding each other…tight. “I don’t wanna let you go”, he whispers. “Then don’t”, you respond holding him tighter. At that moment, your phone rings. It’s Bruno. You look up at Phil and he just smirks…