Confessions

Philip slowly turns around. He looks from you to Bruno. He drops his gaze to the floor. You have no idea what to do or say. Bruno gets up and turns off the radio. Standing with his back to the counter, he asks, “You ok Man?”. Philip doesn’t respond. He continues to stare at the floor. You look at Bruno for guidance. You start to get up but Bruno waves you back as he starts toward Phil. Bruno places his hand on Phil’s shoulder, “Man, are you…”. Before he could finish his sentence Phil grabs Bruno’s arm and pushes him away glaring at him with hate pouring from his eyes. Bruno holds up his hands and backs away. You ease off the stool and make your way over to Philip. His gaze softens when he sees you. You reach for his face but he turns away. “Baby”, you start to say raising your hand to touch his arm but he backs away. “Please don’t”, he mutters. Tears fill your eyes. “Philip, we were all VERY high last night”, you struggle to explain. “Yeah man, I mean, nobody knew what they were doing…”, Phil cuts Bruno off. “DON’T talk to me right now.” Phil paces the kitchen floor stopping every so often to glare at Bruno. You feel conflict brewing but before you can intervene, Jessica opens the kitchen door. “My ride is here. Just wanted to let you know I was leaving”. “What?! Why are you leaving?”, Bruno asks walking toward the door but Jessica just slams the door in his face. With a deep sigh, he opens the door and goes after her. You are left alone with Phil. He’s still pacing the floor. You are back on the stool watching him walk back and forth, back and forth across the kitchen floor. You can hear him murmur to himself every now and then but are unable to decipher what he’s saying. “Philip, talk to me. Please”, you beg. Phil stops pacing but doesn’t look at you. “What do you want me to say Nicole?”, he asks staring at the floor. ‘Whoa! Nicole? So, I’m Nicole now? Ok, I guess I can accept that.’ “Tell me what you are thinking Philip. Say something!” He chuckles. “Ha! Ok, how do I feel? Hmmm. Ok. My boy, my best friend, my ace, my brother fucked the love of my life in front of my face last night and get this, she loved it!” You have no idea how to respond as Phil continues wearing a hole into the kitchen floor. Bruno returns to the kitchen. “Jessica left”, he states. Bruno truly looks hurt. You put your arm on his shoulder and ask, “Are you ok?”. He just smiles at you. You can see a glint of pain hiding behind those beautiful brown pools and your heart breaks for him. Bruno notices Phil continuing to pace. “Ok, ok. Enough is enough”, he says walking with determination over to Phil. “Look man. What happened last night was out of control. Let’s just forget it ever happened? Ok?” Phil stops pacing and looks at Bruno. You can’t read his face so you hop off the stool just in case. Nothing happens. “Philip, I love you like my brother man, you know that but last night was just a bunch of bad decisions made by 3 people who were high as fuck. Let’s just forget it.” Phil laughs. “So you think it’s easy for me to just erase the vision of you fucking the SHIT outta my fiancee? Oh, ok. Whatever man”, he says pushing Bruno away and walking to the far side of the kitchen. Bruno is not giving up. “Look, I know it’ll be hard but Phil, man we were all high and…”. Phil grabs Bruno by his shirt and throws him against the wall. You run over to stop whatever the hell is about to go down. “What I can’t forget is how you held her and the way you touched her. You love her. Don’t you?!” “PHILIP!! LET HIM GO!!” Phil ignores you. Bruno is silent. “LET HIM GO!!”, you yell trying unsuccessfully to pry his hands off of Bruno. “DON’T YOU!!”, Phil asks his little brother once more. Bruno looks his big brother straight in his eyes and says, “Yes. I love her”. Phil balls up his right hand, draws it back and let’s it fly as you scream, “NO! PHILIP PLEASE DON’T!!!!” Phil’s right hand hits the wall, dangerously close to Bruno’s head. Phil lets Bruno go then holds his head as he begins to sob quietly. Bruno looks down as he walks to the other side of the kitchen. You are standing next to Phil. “Philip, please let’s talk about this”, you plead. “Don’t touch me. I have to…I gotta get the hell outta here”, he says walking out of the kitchen. You follow him. “Philip, please”, you plead once more to no avail. He completely ignores you, grabs his coat and walks out the front door.

You’ve been sitting in bed crying for the past hour. You COMPLETELY fucked up and have no idea how to fix it. Between sobs, you hear music. Someone is playing the piano in the den. It’s a very familiar melody. You open the bedroom door. “What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out.” It’s Bruno. You know you’ve heard this song before but you can’t figure out what it is. You quietly walk toward the stairs as he continues, “Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down”. You sneak down the stairs. “What’s going on in that beautiful mind? I’m on your magical mystery ride and I’m so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I’ll be alright”.  ‘John Legend’, you realize as your foot hits the last step. “My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine”, he continues to sing. You tiptoe toward him trying to stay unnoticed but the floor creaks. Bruno looks up at you and smiles. “You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind. Cause all of me loves all of you.” Rising from the piano, he walks toward you. Placing his arms around you, he continues. “Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections”. You are blushing. Wiping the tears from your eyes he sings in nearly a whisper, “Give your all to me, I’ll give my all to you”. Staring into your eyes he continues, “You’re my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I’m winning. Cause I give you all, all of me”. Kissing you softly, he looks directly into your eyes and asks, “Will you give me all of you?” Tears once again fill your eyes as you back out of his embrace. “I can’t Bruno. I’m sorry”. He takes a step toward you but you back away. He looks down at the floor. Placing his hands in his pockets, he walks away slowly. You feel eyes watching you. Looking up, you see Phil in the foyer. He saw you and Bruno together. You both stand staring at each other from afar. You are afraid to make the first move. Phil steps down into the living room and throws his coat on to the couch. Walking past you, he heads straight for the fireplace. As he warms his hands he says, “So, how long?”. Icy daggers crawl through your veins as you turn toward him. You play dumb in order to buy some thinking time. “What do you mean?” He simply repeats the question while still staring into the fire. “How long?” You stand next to him and stare into the fire. You can’t respond. “That long, huh?” You are silent. “Do you love him?” You answer immediately, “No.” You turn Phil to face you. Placing your hands on his face you look deep into his eyes and say, “No. I don’t love Bruno. I love you Philip. I always have and always will”. At that moment, you hear something behind you. Bruno has been listening the entire time. He stares at you with a sadness that breaks your heart then grabs his coat and storms out the front door. 

It’s getting dark and you are getting worried because Bruno still hasn’t come back. Phil is sitting by the fireplace quietly. You approach him. “Philip, have you heard from Bruno?” He gives you the side eye which you interpret as ‘No’. “I’m really worried Phil. It’s dark and really cold out there and he’s been gone a while”. Phil looks at you like he wants to say something but he doesn’t. He gets up, grabs his coat and heads to the door. “I’ll see if I can find him”, he sighs. Just as Phil turns the door knob, Bruno walks through the door. He looks cold. REAL cold. Phil catches Bruno’s eye and they exchange an unsettling stare. Bruno makes it a point to push past  Phil. Phil squints in Bruno’s direction but doesn’t react. You run over to Bruno. “B, I’m glad you’re ok! I was so worried”. Bruno walks right by you without even acknowledging your presence. ‘Wow! Ok’, you think to yourself. Phil takes his coat off, throws it back on the couch and returns to his place in front of the fireplace. You stand in the middle of the living room looking from Bruno (in the den) to Phil (in front of the fireplace) and realize that all of this is your fault. “Ok. You know what, we are all adults here. I’m gonna make some tea and we are going to sit in this living room and fix this”. There is not a sound from either of them. You return to the living room with a teapot, teacups and cookies. After sitting them on the table, you walk into the den. “Bruno, please come into the living room and talk”, you plead. He turns to face you and you can see the tear stains on his cheeks. You have to turn away, it’s breaking your heart. He responds in barely a whisper, “You broke my heart”. You feel as though a knife is being twisted in your heart. The pain is causing tears to invade your eyes. He slowly gets up and walks into the living room. You return to the living room and walk over to Phil. “Philip, please come over and let’s talk this out like adults. Please”, you implore. Giving you the side eye he states frankly, “I don’t have shit to say to him”. Phil turns his head and continues to gaze at the fire. “You act like I fell in love with Nikki on purpose!”, Bruno says, raising his voice. Phil turns. “You’ve known how I’ve felt about her for almost a year now so don’t give me that bullshit! Besides you’ve been fucking her behind my back!” You stand up and try to smooth things over. “Gentleman, let’s just calm down and lower our voices. Screaming isn’t gonna solve this.” “Oh and talking is?”, Phil adds sarcastically. “Fuck you man! Nikki is just trying to help”, Bruno spits at Phil. “Fuck me? Fuck you N*gga!!”, Phil gets up walking over to Bruno. If looks could kill, Bruno would be dead. But Bruno stands up to his big brother. Bruno and Phil are FACE TO FACE. You are so nervous you could vomit. Your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. Phil balls his fists at his side and Bruno does the same. “Uh uh”, you say squeezing between them. “This is NOT going to happen. You are brothers and brothers don’t fight. Stop it!” Phil interjects a verbal jab at Bruno as he turns to sit on the couch, “My ‘brother’ wouldn’t be fucking my woman…” “Well, if my ‘brother’ was fucking her right, I wouldn’t have to…”, Bruno smirks standing his ground. All you hear is air whoosh past you as Phil punches Bruno in his left eye. You turn around just in time to see Bruno stumble back a bit before swinging to hit Phil in his left eye. You jump between them before anymore blows are exchanged. Bruno and Phil stand on edge staring each other down. It’s clear that no one is ready to talk this out. Phil storms out of the room up the stairs. Bruno is sitting on the couch angry, breathing HARD! His left eye is starting to swell. You squat down next to him and caress the left side of his face. He winces. “You’re gonna need some ice on that immediately to stop the swelling”. You run to the kitchen and make an ice pack. Running back to Bruno’s side, you place the ice pack on his left eye. He winces again and so do you. I mean you ARE responsible for this. “Are you ok?”, you ask. Bruno looks at you and smiles a little. “I’ll be ok.” “I’m sorry about all of this Bruno”, you apologize not knowing what else to say. “It’s fine. Phil and I will work it out, we always do”. He places his hand atop yours on his cheek and gazes into your eyes. “Besides, it was worth it”.

You wake up the next morning and realize you are on the couch, alone. You make your way upstairs to your room and find it empty. Phil is gone and so are all his things. Your phone alarms, it’s a text from Phil. ‘Decided 2 rent a car & drive back alone. Need time 2 think’. You just stand in the doorway of the bedroom re-reading the text. After a few minutes you feel Bruno behind you. “I heard him leave early this morning”. You are silent still re-reading his text. “Guess it’s just you and me in the car riding back to LA”. You look up at Bruno. Huge tears start to fall from your eyes and you can’t stop them. You drop to the floor in an emotional puddle. Bruno drops next to you and just wraps his arms around you. “I don’t know how Nikki but it’s gonna be ok”. 

It’s after 8pm and you finally arrive home…or should we say to Phil’s place because when you walk in, it doesn’t feel anything like home. Phil is sitting on the deck out back. Your eyes meet when you walk by the patio doors but he doesn’t move nor does he speak. You go up to the bedroom you share with Phil and start to unpack. After a hot shower you lay in bed and try to sleep but you can’t. You have to fix what you broke. You decide to sit up and wait for Phil to come up to bed. After an hour, you hear footsteps coming up the stairs. They stop for a brief moment in front of the bedroom door then continue down the hall. You hear the guest bedroom door open and close. Phil isn’t coming to bed tonight. You take a deep breath and bury yourself under the covers and eventually cry yourself to sleep. The next morning you wake up and make your way downstairs. Phil is walking toward the front door with 2 suitcases. “Good morning”, you say apprehensively. Phil stops briefly, “Morning”. “Are you taking another trip?”, you ask already knowing the answer. Phil puts down both suitcases and walks over to you. Lightly touching your left cheek he smiles and says, “I need some time to think about us and I can’t do that here”. Tears cling to the edges of your eyelids and you look down. “It’s hard for me to see you right now. It’s best if I just go away for a little while”. You can’t believe this is happening. You look up at Phil and see tears in his eyes which are already red and swollen. He turns to leave. “Philip WAIT!”, you blurt. “This is your house. I’ll leave”. You walk toward the stairs but Phil grabs your left hand. “No. Stay. I’m gonna stay with a friend for a little while. It’s fine”. You are not ok with this. Not only have you destroyed the relationship between you two, you fucked his best friend AND the sight of you is making him leave his own house. You can’t let this happen. “No Philip. All of this is my fault. I’m leaving”. You head upstairs, pack your bags and get dressed. Phil is standing at the door pleading for you to change your mind but you ignore him. You place your hands on his face (His beard is scruffy like you like it. He hasn’t shaved in a few days) look into his eyes and kiss those perfect lips for what you pray isn’t the last time. “See you later Philip”, you say, voice shaking as you hold back tears. You hop in your car, and drive off without looking back.

‘Where the hell am I going to go?’, you wonder driving around LA. You pull up to a 7-11 and decide to ponder your next move over a Slurpee because, well, let’s be honest, a Slurpee makes everything better. As you recover from brain-freeze, your phone rings. It’s Bruno. You stare at the screen debating whether or not you should answer the call. “Hello”, you answer finally. “Hey…I just called to see how you were”, Bruno states. “I’m fine”, you reply plainly. “How are things?”, he wonders. You don’t know how to answer that so you don’t. “Nikki? You there?”, Bruno asks. “Yes, I’m here.” “How are things with you and Phil?”, he asks again. Silence. “Nikki, where are you?”, Bruno asks suspiciously. You don’t answer. “Nikki, are you ok? I just wanna help. Where are you?” You just can’t hold back any longer. Sobbing you tell him everything. “I…I just…I just don’t know where to go”. “Stay there, I’m coming to get you.” It seems like only 2 minutes have passed when you see Bruno pull up. He hops out the car in his tee, board shorts and flip flops. His curls are disheveled and his eyes are hidden behind his shades. He jogs up to your drivers side door. Popping his head in your window he smiles, “Look, I want you to follow behind me, ok?” “Why?”, you ask wiping your tears with the back of your hand. “Because you can’t sit here in a 7-11 parking lot, drowning your sorrows in Slurpees. Now follow me”, he says walking back to his car. You do as you are told and follow behind Bruno’s car. It isn’t long before you realize he’s driving you to his house. “NO, NO, NO!!!”, you yell. You pull in front of his house behind him and just sit in your car. ‘This day has just gone from bad to worse’, you admit to yourself. Bruno comes over to the driver’s side and smiles at you. “So you just gonna sit in the car all day?”, he asks opening your door. You don’t respond or move. “Come on…”, he says pulling you by your hands out of the car. You reluctantly go inside. Sitting on his couch you remember the last time you were alone with Bruno at his place. You smile as you look at the couch remembering that night. Bruno slides next to you on the couch with a couple cream sodas and two grilled cheese sandwiches. “Sorry but I wasn’t exactly expecting company so this is all I got”, he smiles passing you a plate. “Thanks but I’m not hungry B.” Frowning he replies, “Nikki, you have to eat something. Just take a few bites”. You take a small bite to appease him and sit the plate on the table. You are just so sad and it’s beginning to consume you. Bruno sees it. “You know what we need? Some music. Let’s listen to the radio”, he says smiling as he walks over to the radio. There is nothing but commercials on every station. “Damn it! A’ight then, hand me your phone. You have Pandora right?”. You nod and throw him your phone. After docking your phone in a Boise speaker, he scrolls through your Pandora stations. “Awe shit! They have a Baltimore Club Station?! Let’s go!!”. He presses play and all you hear is, “Watch out for the big girls…” as Bruno gets his cabbage patch on. You can’t help but giggle. He’s such a fool. He gets you off the couch as The Peculator is mixed in. You can’t help but start to dance. Before you know it, it’s like Hammerjacks up in Bruno’s living room as you two sweat it out to some old school B-More Club music. Laughing, you fall onto the couch and Bruno collapses next to you, laying his head on your shoulder. “I needed that”, you admit. Sitting up, you look him straight in his eyes and say, “Thank you”. “For what?”, he asks furrowing his brow. “You are always there for me when I fuck up. You are my knight in shining flip flops”, you giggle. Bruno laughs and moves closer to you. So close you can feel the heat from his body hitting yours. Staring into your eyes he touches your chin lightly and says quietly, “Nikki, I love you. I’d do anything for you”. Before you can respond, he kisses your lips softly and just gazes into your eyes. You caress his face and kiss him back sliding your body closer to his. His arms embrace your waist as you climb on top of him. His hands are on your hips as you pull off his shirt and shorts. Pulling off your top, he kisses each of your breasts softly as he stares into your eyes. Smiling devilishly, he licks your nipples making them hard enough to cut glass. You moan lightly as he pulls off your shorts and tosses your panties…somewhere. You straddle him and slowly grind on that carrot. You stare into each others eyes moaning in harmony. This…feels…so…GOOD! It’s so intense, your love is trembling with every thrust. Bruno’s hands caress your lower back as you throw your head back and ride that pony like a pro. Bruno never takes his eyes off of you. You smile at him as a familiar feeling settles in your chest. His carrot is pulsating inside of your love. It’s overwhelming and before long your juices leak all over him. He tightens his grip on your hips and grinds deep. You are screaming with unspeakable pleasure as he releases his love into your warm waters. You collapse, out of breath on his sweaty chest. You are high and feverish from that Mars Sars. Bruno kisses the top of your head and tightens his arms around you. “I love you”, he whispers. You smile, “I love you too”. Bruno looks surprised and smiles wide. Coming back down to reality you sit up and realize what you just said. “Wait…”